杨可斐：托福独立写作学生习作详细评析 PART6
Q:It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.
outline：
I agree that understanding ideas andconcepts are more important than learning facts
1: Both facts and concepts should belearned. But without concepts and ideas, facts have no academic meaning forstudents to learn.
2: Facts' learning provides examples inorder to help us students get a better understanding of ideas and concepts, andthe latter ones can help us to learn new facts independently. So they are moreimportant.
3: Ideas and concepts we've understood canalso help us to create more ideas and establish more concepts.
In conclusion, understanding ideas andconcepts can let people to know more, to see more, so that it is more importantthan learning facts.
Education provides a large amount of facts for us students to acknowledge（用learn就好，acknowledge不和fact搭配）, as well as introduces ideas and concepts to understand. These two aspects have some relations but they are also hold tremendous differences. Facts are objective thing observed by people.（句式要简洁）Ideas and concepts, on the contrary, are created by people and thus can be revised（如果后文没有提及revised的问题就删了吧，行文要严谨。）.这句话写的非常关键。它给出了fact和idea的定义，这句话可以说是整篇文章的基础，是破题的关键所在。对于任何玩文字游戏的题目都可以在首段写出定义：“在我的文章里，这两个词是这个意思，你们得听我的。”In my point of view, I agree with the statement that understanding ideas and concepts is more important than learning facts.
首段写的简洁明确，句给出大背景，“教育能带给我们什么”；第二句给定义，“什么是concept什么是fact”，给出定义就相当于划定了游戏规则，整篇文章都会在这个定义下展开；第三句给出自己观点。所以说这是一个很经典的开头，从宏观大背景微观到这篇文章具体写什么，很值得大家学习。
如果说开头还有哪里可以改进的话，我个人觉得可以再加一句大概介绍一下行文思路，就是这篇文章大概会怎样展开。这样可能会更好。
First of all, under many circumstances, facts have no academic meaning if lack of supports by ideas and concepts. I'll take myself as an example. My major in university（删了。难道高中还有major？）is transportation engineering which would be applied to deal with traffic problems. As a matter of fact, nearly every normal person（common people） can name one fact or two traffic problems such as traffic jam. If my classmates and I only learn these facts, then what is the difference between and a non-professional? Just like what my professor once said: Facts about traffic problems are pearls scattered in every corner of the world, each one of them has little value. Nevertheless,by applying ideas and concepts in traffic theories, we can string them into a treasured necklace. That’s why we need to learn ideas and concepts other than basic facts.
显然高亮句写的非常漂亮！现在托福作文中很少有人能够用到举例论证以外的论证手段，而这句话直接用了对比论证和类比论证，把concept和fact类比做珍珠和项链，通过珍珠和项链的对比突出concept的重要性。而且这样的论证只用了一个复合句就完成了，这是老外非常欣赏的写法，简介而且能解决问题。
Admittedly, case study is an indispensable step in learning progress. For instance, tracing back into mathematical class in primary school time, we always learned the fact that 1 plus 1 is 2 before learning the computation of addition. But this fact is just a certain vivid example for a 7-year old to have a better understanding of addition, which is the more important concept. There is none math book or teacher would let us remember all results of certain numbers be added together. Instead, by applying the very concept of addition, we can add any numbers we like to and thus get a variety of facts.
这段的举例方法也很值得探讨。最常用的举例就是论点加例子，这也是所有初学者的最简单的写法。这段同样是举例，但是它是夹议夹叙，把自己的议论加进例子的叙述里。刚开始学英语作文的人会发现英语里，议论文比记叙文好写，甚至可以说大部分人从没写过英语的记叙文，所以当他们需要叙述一个例子的时候就会遇到困难，文字能力直线下降。夹议夹叙就是一个很好的避免这个问题的方法，大家不妨试试。
Furthermore, ideas and concepts we’ve understood also account for introduction of new ideas and concepts. More complicated concepts are based on the relatively simple ones: multiplication is created by the basic principal of addition, and division is based on multiplication. By introducing new ideas based on old concepts, the precise, dramatic system of mathematics is established. Once ideas and concepts of aspecial particle are understood, we attain the ability to create new, to understand in alarger scale, and gradually, human society can understand the whole world inthe future.
这段的亮点是他的论点：concept本质上可以引出fact。能提出这个论点的人思考已经比较成熟了。很多作文书上讲的理由，比如交朋友之类的，你要知道看那种书的人成千上万，托福作文里fair的作文也成千上万，那种论点显然离高分很遥远。如果同学们的作文里能有一个这样的论点，不需要多，一个就行，那么肯定能为你加分不少。
In summary, facts are only appearances of knowledge, while ideas and concepts are inner impulse to help us students to learn more, to create more and to achieve more. Hence understanding ideas andconcepts are more important than learning facts.
这篇文章非常大的优点不是文字的优美，相反这个作者貌似还有些粗心，小错误不断。犯错可以，是人都要犯错的嘛，不要犯在关键的地方。比如这句，Just like what my professor once said: Facts about traffic problems are pearls scattered in every corner of the world, each one of them has little value. Nevertheless,by applying ideas and concepts in traffic theories, we can string them into a treasured necklace.其实这句话的逻辑有一点点问题，pearl给人的想法不是应该是珍贵的么？仔细看能看懂作者的意图，但是本质上这个类比不是很贴切。不知道童鞋们有没有更好的类比，能阐释个体没有价值但是整体就很珍贵。要知道这样的失误发生在关键句里很可能毁了这一段，所以对于主题句每段关键句这类的句子，希望同学们有时间优先检查，我就见过上来句破题偏题的，其实他整篇文章的理解是对的，就这一句写歪了，那么不好意思，最多给你fair了。
这里再多讲几句，关于第三段的让步。都知道要让步，很多人的让步要么是没用的废话，既没有新的观点也不能强化原本的观点；要么干脆歪楼甚至倒戈。一句话解释什么是让步：让步就是提出对方观点，再通过攻击对方观点突出自己观点。当然简单的攻击对方观点的让步段一般放在最后，可以说是撑字数用。这篇文章里的让步其实是为了提出新的观点，这样的让步就非常漂亮了。我承认fact是学习过程中不可缺少的，但是！学习fact的最终目的不正是归纳总结出concept嘛！所以说，还是concept更重要嘛！（结构：提出对方观点+攻击+强化自己观点）
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