杨可斐：托福独立写作学生习作详细评析 PART13

杨可斐   南京新航道雅思、托福、SAT写作、语法课程主讲。英文功底扎实，授课耐心细致极具亲和力，善于培养学生的学习兴趣，让学生在轻松的氛围中获得提高。

TPO3 It is more important to keepyour old friends than it is to make new friends

Disagree

making new friends can   

1.broaden horizon

2.provide opportunities to get a higherposition in employment

As we all know ,making friends plays an improtant role towards our study, work, life, etc. However,whetheryou should keep your old friends or make new friends provokes a hot-button debateamong people.Personally,I think makingsome new friends is as important as keeping a good relaitionship withyour oldfriends.(问你哪个moreimportant，as…as是表示平级而不是比较级！如果用这个词表示你观点中立，显然不是)Making new friends can not only broaden our horizon but also offermorechances to suceed（success） in the future.

At first,making new friends can expand our outlook.With theincreasingdevelopments of our society,we have more opportunities to get in touch withpeople from different countries orcities.We can have access to the history of the Statue of Liberty from myAmerican friends.We can be acquainted withJapanese culture from my Japanesefriends,etc.

这段用在讲高科技发展的话题上更合适，似乎再说科技发展了我们能联系到各种人，没涉及新朋友和旧朋友相互比较的内容

后边3个例子：1. we have moreopportunities to… 2.we can have access to… 3. we can be adj. with… 句式太单一，句子和内容相互间都没联系，仅仅是罗列，你写着有意思么。。。

这段的重点应该落在新朋友能让我们开阔视野的理由 plus 旧朋友做不到（比较）

Another consideration to my judge is that making new friendswill offer more opportunities tosuceed in our future life. Enlarging the friend circleis not merely the platform to make friends with the same hobby,it will provideus more possibility to get a higher position such as generating the employment opportunities.两句话不能杂糅，只能有一个谓语动词For example,one of mycollege classmates,who took the makeupexamination more oftenly, got the offer of a large powerful company. And the reason is that themanager of the enterprise was his best friend in his childhood.

这个example举得太负面，好像走后门一样，重换一个

Admittedly,it is also indepensible for us to keep old friends. For instance,we all desire to make a genuinefriend that we can share the real mood with them. Toobserve his/her personality, there is necessary（It is necessary for us to do sth.） for us to contact with him/her for along time.(这句意思也不对啊，我们有必要联系他们是为了observe personality?)So keeping old friends will be a proper way to findour true friends.（把so去掉，否则这只能是个从句而没有主谓）Nevertheless, keeping old friends does not mean that we can ignore the impotance（拼写错误太多） of new friends.

In conclusion,it is unfounded(这个词用得过分了) to draw that keeping old friends is moreimportantthan making new friends.（这句背个模版吧 Considering all the analysis above, it is safe to draw the conclusionthat xxx 主题观点句多概括你的观点，而不是说对方观点不对）Makingnew friends not only provides more opportunities to experience the differentculture of the foreign countries, but also creates more possibilities to put usin a falvorableposition in the upcoming competition.

知不知道英语写作标点后边要空一格？还是系统的问题黏在一起了？

多注意一下句与句之间的逻辑关系，用些逻辑关系词，文章才能well-organize， 才能显得整体而有条理

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新朋友关注方法：

1、添加微信号：xhd-nanjing

2、二维码关注：保存图片——打开微信扫一扫——从相册选择二维码（适用手机端）