为什么雅思写作观点好，还是得不到高分？

　　为什么雅思写作观点好，还是得不到高分？语篇的连贯性(coherence) 是一种逻辑关系, 这种逻辑关系把文本中的命题或思想有效地连接起来, 使得文本在意义上具有连续性。因此, 意义的连续性是语篇连贯性的基础, 而句法上的衔接手段不足以构建连贯的文本。

　　- De Beaugrand and Dressler

　　上篇文章说了Coherence和Cohesion是两个不同的概念，Cohesion是句子和句子之间的衔接性，而Coherence指的是整个文章内在的逻辑关系的连贯性，很多同学把自己作文分数上不去的原因放在自己的观点不行，其实更多时候你的观点没有很大的问题，而问题出在你不清楚如何有逻辑地连贯地表达你的观点并加以论证，才是导致你的分数不高的主要原因。下面James用一个例子，来告诉大家就算你的观点论点都很好，但是文章缺乏Coherence，就会导致整个文章脉络零零散散，让读者毫无头绪：

　　问题：Should government invest in public transportation?

　　To begin with, enhancing the quality of public transportation should be mandatory for any government, especially in countries dealing with mobility issues. Owning a car is unaffordable for many people, leading most citizens to depend daily on public transportation. Seemingly, some governments acknowledge that if they had a good public transportation system, they would be more likely to attract international investments and boost their economy. Altogether, a good public transportation service will make people spend less money, use cars less often, and cause less damage to the environment by decreasing the levels of pollution.

　　看完以后，是不是感觉和自己写出来的文章有点像?大家要记住一个段落只能有一个主旨，而这个主旨必须在topic sentence清晰的表达出来。这段文字的主旨，也就是第1句话是Enhancing public transportation (后面简称PT) is government's duty. 第2句话是买不起车的人需要靠PT。第3句话是政府有了好的PT，会吸引更多的境外投资，提升本国经济。最后一句话是好的PT可以减少环境污染。

　　所有的ideas都不错，但是每个idea都分离的，之间没有逻辑关系。但是你会说：“怎么没关系了?这都在说PT的好处啊!” 注意啦!你之所有觉得有关系，是你自己无意识中给这些idea加了一层逻辑关系。上篇文章说了一篇有高Coherence&Cohesion的文章，是读者读起来不费力的。如果文章中的ideas需要读者费力地自己去加一层逻辑去理解，那就是一篇lack coherence的文章。我们把文章中每一句话来拆开看，帮助大家更好地理解我的意思：

　　Topic：To begin with, enhancing the quality of public transportation should be mandatory for any government, especially in countries dealing with mobility issues.

　　第二句：Owning a car; citizens' dependence on PT - 人们买不买得起车和主旨中的government's duty并没有关联起来。

　　第三句：Better PT would lead to better economy - 没有和主旨的government's duty关联起来，也没有和上句的citizen关联，也没有说为什么better PT会吸引更多投资。

　　这句还有一个问题，就是这篇文章生硬的加了一个连接词，seemingly，本意让句子和句子之间看起来更加Cohesive，其实起到的是反作用。上篇文章就说到了要的使用连接词，seemingly的意思是appearing to be something, especially when this is not true. 后面他又说了some government acknowledge that...acknowledge意思是recognizing the fact，如果是一个fact，那就不能用seemingly.

　　第四句：Better PT would lead to less spending, and a healthier environment - 与主旨government’s duty、第二句的citizens、第三句的economy都没有关联起来。环境和citizen买不起车有什么关系，环境和government有什么关系?所有的点都没有串起来。

　　那要如何改进呢?刚刚说了你觉得这段文字还不错，是因为你潜意识里给文章加了一层逻辑，这层逻辑就是：这些idea都是在说better PT的好处，那么现在需要做的就是在文章中体现这层逻辑，所以改成：

　　主旨句：To begin with, enhancing the quality of public transportation would lead to many benefits. [提高PT质量会带来很多好处，不再是government's duty了那么下面我就以1，2，3的形式一条条分别说好处就行了]

　　Firstly, as owning a car is very expensive, many citizens depend daily on public transportation, and improved public transportation system would ease their burdens. [Better PT减少人们对买车的压力，这是PT对citizen带来的好处] Secondly, a good public transportation system would be more likely to attract international visitors and boost the local economy as tourists would be more attracted to the area. [Better PT可以吸引更多国际旅客，从而提高本土经济，这是PT对经济带来的好处] Lastly, public transportation service have been proven to be a major factor in reducing the number of cars on city streets, consequently lowering emissions that damage the environment. [Better PT可以减少车量，从而减少尾气对环境的污染，这是PT对环境带来的好处] Thus, a modern, efficient public transportation system is certainly worth a government's investment consideration. [得出结论，citizen，economy，environment都是和政府的工作精密相关的，所以PT是值得被政府投资的，紧扣主题]

　　刚刚这种改进方法的是把主旨从PT是government's duty改成了PT的benefit，还有一种改法，就是不改变原来的主旨，但是通过围绕主旨，一层一层的阐述：

　　To begin with, enhancing the quality of public transportation should be mandatory for any government, especially in countries dealing with mobility issues. [表明主旨] As owing a car is unaffordbale for many people, leading many of them to depend on public transportation, a government has a duty to supply its citizens with the infrastructure that will allow them to be mobile. [不是每个人都能买得起车的，而政府的责任就是提供更好地基础设施，让人们的交通更方便。承接了主题] In other words, [引导读者，你现在要具体描述上面问题了] they should not have to worry about spending two hours stuck in traffic when commuting to work, or going shopping, or even enjoying their free time. In the big picture, moreover, [引导读者，你准备递进到另一个点了] increased mobility helps the economy thrive, with more productive workers and busier shopping and entertainment center. [注意这里说的三个点和上一句的三个点互相呼应] Thus, a government needs to consider the wider implications of upgrading and maintaining an efficient public transportation system, and act acordingly. [得出结论，回到主题，并提出一个与主题相关的建议]。

　　希望通过今天和昨天的两篇文章，大家对Cohesion和Coherence的概念更清楚了。最后说一下上一篇文章留下的思考题(下面两句话中表达的意思有什么不一样?)：

　　"While it is evident that these policies have not bad the desired effect, they have nevertheless led to certain unexpected, positive results. Among these is the increase in..."

　　"These policies have not had the desired effect; nevertheless, they have led to certain unexpected, posive results. Among these is the increase in..."

　　句翻译过来，尽管(while)这些policies没有达到预期效果，但是(nevertheless)还是产生了一些意料之外的正面结果。其中之一就是…… 第二句，这些policies没有到达预期效果，但是他们产生了一些意料之外的正面效果。其中之一就是……

　　所以句语气肯定了policies的积极作用，且把positive results的语气加重了，让positive results更加positive。第二句对policies的态度比较中立，且把positive results的语气削弱了。

　    来源：雅思foru

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